So this post is a little different to what i would usually post on my blog, i am sorry if i disappoint anyone with this post but i promise my normal content will resume tomorrow. I dont even know if i will publish this but i just feel i need to get all my thoughts down and into words.
I have been having a bit of a poopy time and a rough ride lately and it is very quickly becoming too much. I dont want to bore you all with the in's and out's of my life but just to bring you up to speed, i currently have two terminally ill family members; a three year old and an aunt, we are undergoing a huge struggle to find bone marrow donor match, and i also have alot of pressure from work and starting a new placement etc.
It seems so silly for me to be down when i am 100% healthy and complaining about such trvial things, but i cant seem to shake the anxiety, insecurities and worry. I know i am extremely lucky in my life, i have great family and friends, an amazing boyfriend, and i am doing a degree in my dream job. Hey, even i will admit that i try to post only positive times because lets face it who wants to wallow in someone else's sadness.
I have always been a bit of a panickier, but my anxiety levels right now seem out of control. I worry about every little thing and this results in (unintentional) added pressure. I panic if i will have enough time to fit everything into the day, i panic i will let someone or myself down, and i panic i will hear something i do not want to hear. Sometimes i worry about something so much that i become fixated on it and cannot think of anything else but my worry.
I have been spending alot of my time lately encouraging people to join the Bone Marrow Donor Register in a desperate attempt to find a match and save his life. It can be done online and is 100% free, you dont need a medical or any tests, if you are between 16-30 you are a candidate for donation. The test requires a saliva sample that can be done at home and your results come in the post. You can be on the register and never be called forward to possibly donate, but just by doing this, you give people, like three year old Harrison a chance.
I am sorry for such a demotivating post but i guess it is better to get your words out of your mind instead of keeping them bottled up. My normal post's will resume tomorrow filled with positive energy and beauty enthusiasm. If you have any tips on keeping your mood positive in such stressful and disheartening times then please let me know.